Nothing you have done in the past has prepared you for the type of things that you will be taking on. Having dealt with a crying baby and changing diapers is one thing. Having a crying baby and not knowing how to get them to stop. Day after day. Week after week. No end in sight, is entirely another. I was used to working hard, every day, with adults. They weren't alway agreeable, or rational, or pleasant to be around but, at least we could communicate. With words. That is something that I had been doing rather successfully since I was in preschool. It doesn't work that way with a baby. "Everyone knows that" you say. Sure but, not everyone is set up emotionally to handle that for the weeks and months that you are going to have to.
Loneliness is the next hurdle. I was not prepared for life without adult interaction. Oh sure, I still talked to some gown-ups at the grocery store and what not. That isn't what I mean. I no longer dealt with adults, in a meaningful manner, except for my wife, at all. My world shrunk to revolve around my home and my child. I love my family more than anything and everything in the world but, it boils down to the day after day, week after week thing. Very, VERY depressing. If you do it right, you will meet and develop some friendship with some moms that will help but, no matter what, they can only be so close... not that close.
Men will no longer respect you. At all. Maybe your closest friends will. Maybe. The rest will use every opportunity to let you know that you suck. It's almost always subtle. When you tell them you are a sahd, they almost always say "Wow, I wish I could do that". Within a minute or two, they admit that they could never do it. Then they look at you with suspicion. Their eyes narrow and you can see the wheels turning. The whole idea is so foreign that they automatically DO NOT TRUST you. If you are friends with their wife, innocently, so you can start socializing your kid, getting them to trust you takes forever. Even if they trust you, they still look down on you. There is something fundamentally wrong with a man who would stay at home to raise kids. He is not really a man. Not really. You may know them for years and they will still look you in the eye and say, with bitter in their mouth, "Well, I've got to go to work...". I am more comfortable with being a sahd now than ever. I feel the sting of that phrase every time I hear it. Wait 'til you hear it from your wife. Are you ready for that?
I know. Waa Waa Waa. Well, that is the reality of it for the first few years. There are some real bright spots. Seeing your child grow and change is fantastic. I have vivid memories of "firsts" that my wife never got to experience. YOUR influence on how your kid grows up can't be replaced by any day care and that is the only reason to enter into sahdism. I am 100% sure that my kid is as great, as she is, because I was there every step of the way. And yet...
I will still say you're not ready. I will do my best to help you, though. I've been through it all. I am going to use this forum to pass on what I've learned.
If you are still wanting to go through with it, quit your job and let's get this party started.
If you are still wanting to go through with it, quit your job and let's get this party started.
stayathomebryan says "take one step forward"
