Monday, May 2, 2011

The last three weeks have been...


a flippin' nightmare. It has been rainy, thunderstormy, tornadoee etc... Like I'm telling you anything. You've been through it too. Our family just gets our own special twist, a bonus if you will, when the weather goes south.

Gator has been our dog for almost 11 years. He is cute, loving, affectionate, loyal and defective. I have to admit, he was something of a substitute child for us, before Amelia came along. We treated him like a furry little person and reveled in his company. Alas, all good things come to an end. He has never fully accepted being busted back to dog status, even though it has been over 7 years. I don't feel bad about it. I really can't stand my dog.

Gator has a real problem with weather. The first second that he realizes it is raining, is going to rain, might rain or anyone mentions rain, he starts running around the house crying and whining like someone pissed in his kibbles. Heaven forbid there is lightning and thunder. At the first sign, his whining becomes shrieks and he tears about looking for any mini-blinds that have been carelessly left within his reach. In seconds, he will proceed to shred them until they are in a bloody heap on the floor. His blood. Bites 'em 'til his mouth bleeds. He's an idiot.

During nice weather, at night, he sits on the floor staring at the front window. When a car passes and their headlights reflect off the glass, he starts barking and running through the house. He thinks it's lightning. This occurs about 40 times a night. Even with the blinds closed. A camera flash has the same effect. He is the dumbest dog I've ever met.

"Oh, you are so mean stayathomebryan. Gator is such a sweet dog. You don't deserve such a fine animal" says you. Well maybe. I feel compelled to point out he was given to us. For free. We probably should have asked for references, or a warranty, or the name of the town these generous people were moving to, at the very least.

We have tried all the reasonable options to help him through his time of distress. We've held and petted him while softly chanting positive affirmations. We've crated him with his favorite toys. Comforting him is actually more of a struggle as he fights to run about screaming doggy screams. We've sedated him with prescription tranquilizers and Benedril. It worked early on. Now he just takes it as a sign that storms are on the way and starts stressing and panting and pacing.

The icing on the cake is when he ends up in the garage during his antics. Many of these storms roll in at precisely 3 am. He can go from dead asleep to high alert the second a single raindrop hits a window pane. I no longer hesitate. I get up and open the door to the garage and out he runs. I have a dog bed out there expressly for these occasions. Once securely out of the house, he barks, cries, screams and crashes about to his heart's content. And he poops. Yep, that's the icing. By morning, he has run through that icing and is wearing it up to his elbows. He has trampled it all across the floor and painted it on the garage door with his little doggy paws. And I get the privilege of scrubbing him up after making breakfasts and lunches for my girls and before they leave for work/school so he won't track his special icing through the house. Good times. Had a lot of good times lately...

Remind me to tell you about the night the smoke alarm chirped. I hate my dog. There's no shame in that.

stayathomebryan gets all the news he needs from the weather report

No comments:

Post a Comment